Letter to myself

Hi there!

It’s been already five months in the United States. 🇺🇸

I travelled alone leaving my parents, grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts, my sister, my friends and my home. I left my traditions and my routine for one year, knowing I would come back.

It looked like everything was perfect but I have to admit that it wasn’t. After reading an article that my sister sent me, I thought I should explain my real experience. This article was about Internet and the social networks. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook… Everybody post pictures and events to let the people know they are having fun or they are very happy. It’s totally true. I can tell! So, when you are at home reading all those posts while you are bored or you don’t have any plan… you get depressed. I know how it feels. I know how the little problems become bigger and stressful just because you feel you are not in the good place or because you feel you don’t have the same social life as other friends do. But the main thing is that everybody feels the same! It’s just a picture, just a post, just an event but there is more than that!

When I came to the U.S. I felt so far from home. I was feeling alone all the time because I didn’t know anybody, or the people I knew they weren’t my real family or my friends from Barcelona. The people personalities and behaviors here were very different and they felt very distant to what I’m used to. I didn’t know how to react so basically I was feeling lost and counting back the days to go back home.

When I was in Barcelona, talking to my friends, everybody was expecting that I would be perfect from the first day because… wow… I was going to the U.S., a super cool country where everybody is awesome and the schools are easy and they just have a lot of fun… But nobody told me this was only an impression! I was so confident with myself: ok, I know how to speak English, I know how to meet new friends, I know I have to respect my new family, I know they have different traditions, I know the school it will be hard but fun… But this wasn’t enough. Thanks to my family, “Skiping” and “Whatsapping” everyday, I managed to survive. But don’t be scared… It wasn’t that bad after all… I meet amazing people like Liv and Dayna, my first friends. I wanted to mention them because I feel they are the beginning of my experience. Since I met them I became more confident with myself. Nunca hubiera imaginado que tendría unas amigas así! But yes! I was and I’m still lucky.

My parents recommended me to be busy with different things so I wouldn’t have time to miss them. Good advice mum, but I still miss you! But yes, it worked. Busy with the blog and the college applications, bike rides around the neighbor, going to the beach, getting involved in school activities and clubs, writing poetry or learning how to draw, visiting the city (NYC) and more! If I could give any good advice, it would be this one. It’s true, sometimes I feel alone because I see pictures of my friends from Barcelona celebrating their 18th birthday or when they go to school together. And now, I should mention my sister Nora. Her magic advice changed me. FOR REAL;) Don’t get stuck in the past and try to enjoy your experience. True! And I’m sure while you were reading my story you were thinking the same! True! True! True! But it’s not that easy when you are living it, heh! So I decided to start being a professional of having fun even when I don’t have my family and friends around. Visiting Las Vegas and Los Angeles by myself was an experience that maybe I won’t be able to repeat again after this year. I felt far from home again during Christmas or New Year’s Eve but this is life! And we have to grow, to investigate the World around us and to learn how to be independent people. I think I’m learning a lot of things everyday from school, from friends and form myself. I’m convinced that everything I’m doing now is challenging me and giving me the knowledge that I will need in life.

All this feeling brought me to ask myself if I was the only one who was suffering loneliness and I was trying to get up and run. At this point I decided to create a project called Loneliness. It was based in my school in Connecticut. With this I discovered that mostly everybody feels lonely at least once in their lives. I was very excited to present this project at school. Loneliness is a feeling that is actually normal to feel by most of the people at some point but we try to hide it because we think that it’s not “cool” to share.

Because of that, I decided to write this letter. I felt lonely a lot of times and I won’t hide it anymore, because I don’t have to be ashamed of it. It’s part of the process of becoming an adult being far away from home. I talked about that with my family like I said and also with my best friends. I feel so lucky to have people like this that help me, with the biggest and the smallest problems.

In conclusion, I wanted to write this post was to express how I really feel that maybe is not shown in my pictures and my posts, but that exists. I am happy to be who I am and I’m proud of my decisions. I am still figuring out who I want to be in the future but… I don’t care right know, I want to be happy and for that I have to get out of my house every weekend and exercise my mind with new opportunities: you never know! Even in Barcelona or Riverside or London or anywhere else, there are bunch of things to do and to learn!

– I realized that the most important thing in this world is to know Who you are, to know What you want and to know Who is going to be with you.

I am convinced that one day this will help somebody (even though my English is not my best).

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